I will make this short and sweet. 

People carry a lot of guilt during the holidays regarding practicing. Here are some ways to avoid these negative feelings:

1. Be truthful. If you need a day to watch Say Yes to the Dress, do it. You're worth it. But while you are watching bridal sabotage, don't feel guilty. It is unfair to yourself to think about practicing while watching TV. Make a promise to yourself that you are comfortable with taking this time away from your instrument. If you are not comfortable with this and you are concerned you will never practice...
2. ...Make a schedule. Write down when you plan on practicing the day before and get excited about it! Start mentally preparing for your productive time the day before it occurs. "Right now I'm watching Dawson's Creek, but at 10 AM tomorrow, I will be playing again." For those of you who still would rather do anything but play during break...
3. ...Create a small goal. Play all of your harmonic minor scales full range. Work through one tough passage in a solo piece. Cleanly start one excerpt three times in a row. It doesn't matter what your small goal is. The purpose of this is have a focused approach to playing in a time that lacks focus. When you achieve your small goal, you can evaluate whether or not you want to continue playing or go back to baking cookies. Try making a list of small goals previous to the practice session so there is no time wasted with the instrument in hand.

These tips can be applied to any long term projects you may have: exercise, dissertation writing, building a robot, whatever. Just remember, take the time you need for yourself and make a plan of action for when you are ready to jump back into playing. Also remember, your loved ones hate it when you complain about having to practice when you are clearly enjoying a different activity. Enjoy yourself and do the best you can.

Recently, I've been thinking about comments from teachers and peers about my playing. Here are two responses I have received multiple times:

1. Your lines are choppy because you give up on notes partway through phrases.
   
2. Your melodic ideas are presented aggressively, to the point of being defiant.

The teacher side of me insists on finding solutions for how I am presenting myself. I refuse to get bogged down by the idea of constantly being told the same thing, so it is time to analyze. I thought back to a masterclass I went to during my undergraduate taught by the world-class oboist/Geico commercial actor Alex Klein.

In case you missed it, this is one of the most famous living wind musicians in a Geico commercial.

In the masterclass, Alex Klein talked about playing with your voice. He mentioned that everyone naturally plays with similar tone and cadence to their own speaking patterns because that is the most intuitive way to present oneself. As you can hear in this commercial, Alex's voice is nasal (his words, not mine), but his oboe playing is dark. This incongruity is due to his awareness of how to correct natural tendencies.

Now back to my original issue. Why do I sound choppy and defiant?

Oh.

I'm choppy and defiant.

That's okay! That's just how I am. When I speak, I speak slowly and meticulously. If I lose my train of thought, I will stop speaking and wait in silence until I can jump back into my thought. My speech patterns have been identified as almost comically slow and disjointed.  Similar to William Shatner.

I blame my dad. He does it too. Love you!

Because of this natural tendency, I have to think that much harder about continuing my air through lines, almost as if I'm stringing together one coherent thought without pausing. For those of you who have heard me speak, you know that is not an easy feat. With self awareness, I can overcome this general flaw in my playing. As for my speech patterns, I promise nothing :)

Along with speaking patterns, often our personalities come out while playing. Shy people naturally play in a more demure fashion and outgoing people really reach out and go for it. In sound, you can hear fear, cockiness, and apologies. I used to be a really terrified player and you could hear sheer terror in my sound. With time and development I have trained myself to care a little less about what people think about my playing and just play the music to the best of my ability.

Unfortunately, I have developed a "come at me bro!" approach to performance, which is not necessarily a good thing. As I get judged and scrutinized for my playing, I have become defensive. Unlike the apologetic player (click on the earlier link to check out Cayla Bellamy's post about apologetic playing) I have become a defiant player. Every time I play a technical passage, my brain goes into a defensive fighting stance. Don't like what I'm putting down? Too bad, you're stuck listening to me.

This isn't a good thing, but I've identified the issue and I will work towards improvement. Bram Van Sambeek said that we don't play music to prove ourselves but to express with wishes of the composer. I don't think Hummel wanted to start any fights with his bassoon concerto. With more introspection, I will be able to overcome this downfall in my playing and I look forward to the end result.

Every player is an individual person with their own idiosyncrasies. You are in charge of how you present yourself. Make sure that it is the representation that you want.

Happy performing!